Guy Gifts

See, I told you I'd write more.

Yesterday my little sister called me from the Mall where she was wondering aimlessly looking for the perfect gift for her boyfriend and coming up empty. We spent the next several minutes discussing why guys are so hard to shop for. I got lucky this year in that I don't have to worry about Andrew's gift since the little Finnster (our puppy, if you didn't read my previous post) is our Christmas gift to each other. (And he truly is the gift that keeps on giving...and costing.)
After I'd hung up the phone, telling her I'd call her back if I had any sudden guy-gift revelations, I tried to think of what WOULD be the perfect gift for Andrew if I were getting him something this year. And I realized I can't get him the perfect gift because, well, it hasn't been invented yet.

Here are some ideas of what still needs to be invented as gifts for guys:

1. The make-shopping-bearable gift. I don't know what it would be, but SOMETHING that would make shopping bearable, or even enjoyable, for guys. Andrew, and 99% of all other guys I know, HATES shopping. It's like as soon as we step into the Mall, he deflates a little and is suddenly overcome by exhaustion, depression and anxiety. There just needs to be some kind of gadget, gizmo or pill that would make that whole shopping experience a good one. (Because every guys ends up at the Mall with their woman at some point, right?)

2. The clothes-matcher. The day I saw Andrew wearing a gray T-shirt with the most un-matching shade of khaki cargo shorts, I knew I was going to have to intervene. As I always tell him, he's my biggest accessory, so he needs to look good. And he does LIKE to look good, he just hasn't fully mastered color and style combinations. So, there needs to be something to do this for him, and for other guys in the same boat. I'm envisioning a sort of camera that scans the outfit and then says in an electronic voice, "Great job!" if it matches, and "Those brown shoes don't go with those black pants," if it doesn't.

3. The girl-mind-reader. Self-explanitory. Enough said.

4. Vegetable-"candy". Andrew is like a little kid when it comes to most vegetables. It takes bribes, threats, or hiding them in other food to get him to eat them. There needs to be some sort of spray or something that you can just spray over vegies that makes them taste like chocolate or bacon or something, but doesn't take away any of the nutrients or add any calories. Yeah, this would be a good gift for girls too.

5. The no-videogames-mind-warp. Yes, this would be more of a gift for me (and many other girls I know.) They need to invent something, ANYTHING, that would make playing videogames for hour after hour seem a whole lot less appealing.

Ok, if anyone ever invents any of these things, please alert me immediately. Thank you.